Patience, Trust, Faith, And Believing (Part 1)

This part of my story began in the winter of 1986 with the collapse of the life I’d worked so hard for. Everything was taken from me. My ranch and all my assets were given to my ex-wife by the court without reason or fault. I began the day with a net value of $400,000. By noon I was left with $400 and a new truck. At least I wasn’t walking.

I worked odd jobs for cash and kept moving, looking for something better. It seemed hopeless. I’d had dreams, worked hard, and had nothing to show for all the money, time, and years of work. I asked myself over and over, “Where was God now?” I was losing faith that I could recover.

Without hope and only $400 in my pocket, I started over at age 43. I was living like a bum and getting nowhere. Finally, I decided that the only solution was to stop struggling and stop drifting. I gave up. 

One bitterly cold night along the frozen Blackfoot River in northwest Montana, I parked the truck, grabbed my gun, an old .22, and climbed down the bank to the water’s edge. I sat on a log, alone and broken in spirit. I was going to end it all. But I couldn’t do it. It was harder than I thought. I decided to try to fall asleep on the log and hoped I’d freeze to death. But I was a coward at heart and couldn’t do it, so I climbed back up the bank to the truck. 

Nothing had changed; I was just more cold and miserable than before. I started the truck to get warm and the radio blared. That was strange, as I didn’t listen to the radio in the truck. I was about to turn it off when a voice on the station said, “Do you need help? Is life a mess for you? Call me and let’s talk.” The voice repeated the phone number over and over.

I dialed the number that night when I returned to my cheap motel room. The voice on the other end was someone at the Minirth-Meier Clinic in Texas. We spoke for a long time and he asked me to come to Texas for a fresh start. “What have you got to lose by coming down?” he asked. So I left Montana that night.

At the clinic, faith and trust in myself and God were emphasized. I was already a Christian. I’d trusted God and knew that all things were possible in Christ. Yes, I had faltered but I was always put back on track by faith in Christ. 

– Francis